Saturday, May 21, 2005
Oh dear god you hear me weep? It's late and I'm tired but too scared to sleep.I'm afraid of things I can not see, I'm wondering what's happening to me.I need some help to get me through tonight, my brain tells me fight or flight.What did I do to deserve such pain? Please tell me, so I don't do it again.I thought I was a good person, but I guess I was wrong, may be I was fooling myself all along?I hate myself for feeling like this, I'm scared and alone in a cold dark abyss.I'm losing my mind and I'm losing control, down in the dumps, in a deep dark hole.Well, it's late now, so time to relax. Oh dear god help me to survive these attacks.
I'm feeling strange and scared So I pray for no harm.
I feel really tired
But too tired to rest.
No one understands
How I just want this to end.
I feel really strange.
I'm not blind, but I can't see.
It feels like a dream
That I'm watching on tv.
I don't remember where I amor even where I've been.
I want to shout and yell for help.
But I'm scared to make a scene.I
knew this was a mistake
to go walking on my own.
No one knows how scared I feel.
I just want to go home.
I want my past
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Today's exam was a total disaster..
hope tml's will be easier..
the qns were all so chim..
twist and turn..
so hard..
haiz...
i doubt my prelim one paper results would be gd..
sad..
but never the less this is just prelim one...
will try harder harder next term..
is there any prob with me??why is everybody sayin so...hm..
Sunday, May 15, 2005
They went to a place called Gethsamane, and Jesus said to his disiples, "Sit here while I pray." He took Peter, James and John with him, and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death," he said to them. "Stay here and keep watch." Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him. "Abba, Father," he said, " everything is possible for you. Take this cup away from me. Yet not my will, but what you will." Then he turned to his disciples snd found them sleeping. "Simon," he said to Peter, "are you asleep? Could you not keep watch for one hour? Watch and pray that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." Once more he went away and prayed the same thing. When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy, They did not know what to say to him....
Mark 14:32-40
Long time ago in the Garden of Gethsemane..
Jesus fight alone against the devil..
it was a match between Grace and Sin
his three disciples couldnt even keep their eyes open..
it was a match of will as Jesus wrestled with his decision to face the cross and humiliation that awaited him..
he wrestled alone
He knew he would do it.
He didn't want to say "No!"
He couldn't say "No!", he loved the world, too much.
But he had to convince himself and pin that part of him that cried out to turn away to the mat.
And so he wrestled with himself.
There in the Olive Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus was pressed down, a squeezed dry.
He wrestled with his fear and with his loneliness.
He wrestled with God's will for himself and WE WON!
